Old diaries and the lesson learnt? is there any??

i was one of those diary junkie, i must say..  the place where i pour all my life in.. but is is not safe to keep a diary??? today as i was reading through an old note book cum diary i found my hubby's note beside something i wrote.. how could he tresspassed my territory?when did he do that??? but God save me, nowadays with the widely use of blogs, i feel much safer.. nobody could ever reach it.. unless told.. and of course having an MSc in Green Building, i'd love to participate expressing my life digitally.. it sure save loads of papers... done.

i am really in need to update a list, but i couldnt find it.. where should it be? in which diary?? so many of them.. anyway after i browse through some pages and gigling away on some stupid encounters...  in between my lecture notes and some things to do/to buy list i found something else that makes me think.. i was only 21 when i wrote this.. its in Malay

..."i just want to be what other people want to be, other people do so much of weird things to be what they want to be.. which is being happy and comfortable"..

after 12 years, am i happy and comfortable? and i found this too

"alahai, nasib malang betoi!!apa yang dihajatkan dah dapat.. tup tup tiba2 saja kena tinggal.. tension!! Terasa macam nak muntah terkeluar perut" i might have wrote this because of a break up.. i supposed..

"apa yang x nak datang tergolek2, yang nak semua lari" just dont expect life to be fair!! << this must be from another break up.. or another stupid encounter, or after bumping into an ogre looking male.. uhh.. totally a horrible experience.. i used to date ogres.. what was i thinking?!!!! (well actually this is a total exageration, that male wasnt an ogre after all.. maybe he was just not my type..  and i simply called him ogre.. i am terribly MEAN.. and heartless but what about the people who used me like an object??? isnt that what we call KARMA, what you give you get back, what u get u give back.. the 2nd phrase sounds silly though - its like u get a broken heart, and later u cause heartbreaks)

and again after 12 years.. there are not much changes.. nothing changed.. i'm much the same "ME" i'm so transparent and somehow naive.. people could just  penetrate me (not the other penetration OK!!) and used me just like that..

my significant other often tell me that he married me because he wanted to protect me from trusting people blindly, from falling into the hands of the wrong person.. even though i could be very mean when it comes to "choosing" my type of date, my heart is somehow so pure.. i never had bad feelings towards others.. i'm not the negative type... it is good to have doubts on people though but when will i start learning??? seriously, i dont have the answer.. God bless me... guide me to righ path.. Amin..